BARBIE: I THINK WE ALL ANTICIPATED THE MOST PINK SHIT EVER 

Caution: Spoiler and ‘Barbie movie enthusiasm killer’ alert 

The Barbie movie is gonna start to sell Barbie dolls (again and again) for sure. Because for this movie the movie theatre in Safranbolu was full since the Deadpool movie. Other times we’re like 10 people living here who loves to see the movies in movie theatres. 

So came the first most anticipated movie fot teenagers and the second most anticipated movie for me (after Oppenheimer). First it began with children smashing their baby dolls. Because they were ‘baby’ dolls. They weren’t as grown-up human doll as Barbie is. I thought “a movie about dolls began with violence! WTF!” It’s said that Barbie changed everything about dolls.  

The opening scene of Barbie refers to the first scene of Stanley Cubrick’s 1968 film, 2001: A Space Odyssey complete with the familiar Strauss soundtrack. That music-film-scene was epic but was it the best way to open a from head-to-toe pink-coloured funky funny baby doll movie? I’m not sure about that and I didn’t like the scene that little girl was smashing her dolls. It was offensive. 

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Movie: Barbie 

Stars: Magot Robbie, Ryan Gosling 

Release date: July 21, 2023     

Writers: Greta Gerwig, Noah Baumbach  

Director: Greta Gerwig 

Adapted from: The Barbie toy doll introduced on March9, 1959 by the Mattel company. 

IMDb Rating: 7.7 (I rated 4!) 

Where to watch: Theatres around the world 

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Then came the Barbieland. It was dry. It was not delicious (despite of all the pink tones that reminds someone of candies, ice-creams and whatever). It wasn’t funny at all. In some movies I’ve watched -movies made for children and adults also- for example The Toy Story (John Lasseter, 1995), The Simpsons Movie (David Silverman, 2007), The Wild Thornberries Movie (Cathy Malkasian, 2002), The Rugrats Movie (Igor Kovalyov, 1998) Phineas and Ferb The movie (Robert Hughes, 2011) etc. 

I was carried away by the story in these movies (and I know they all are animations!). The protagonist even if she or he or it may be a dog or a cat or a toy or a car was more attractive than Barbie in the Barbie movie. I always cry watching the scene of Lightning McQueen giving up the race, throwing away the #1 trophy and helping his old mate Strip Weathers aka The King when that blue racing car couldn’t make it to the end. It says, “Friendship is important”. Simple enough for a child or a grown-up. 

Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling are in their best shapes to give life to Barbie and Ken. But it stays only as shape. There’re no emotions. Ken is so dull. He’s unsympathetic. At least in the end they could have loved each other. They could have hugged each other. I know this isn’t a love story movie, but they could have done something meaningful. They could have befriended. Or they could have a fight or something. Nothing happened for me. 

What happened after the real world’s patriarchism take over Barbieland? The Kens became machos. And the Barbies became silly blonde/brown/brunette/black haired puppet women. The only real funny line was “Government of the Ken by the Ken, for the Ken” line. But the only one who laughed at this phrase was me. Because teenagers who made the theatre full didn’t understand that this phrase referred to speech of U.S. President Abraham Lincoln, on November 19, 1863, in Gettysburg because The American civil War has ended, and the speech is called ‘Gettysburg Address’. 

“… government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.”  

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The CEo of Mattel (The company that produces Baribrs and Kens) coming to Barbieland, the Kens songs and their dances were the worst parts of the movie. What were they thinking? To show a doll in an existential crisis? She could have been uply, she could have a haircut, she could have had tatoos all ove rher body (that may be interesting!) she could have been to the other Barbielands and see lots of herself everywhere (because she is stereotypical). She could have gone to other centuries and wear gorgeous costumes of her own. She could have been in a castle, in a palace, in space, in Africa, in the North pole an so on. She could have got pregnant and have little Barbie babies for god’s sake! 

(Oh nooo! The Google goes pink when you type Babie movie!) 

Sorry but the script writers were given a handful of pink-nice-shiny-glamorous-funny-amusing data, but they wrote the most pink shit ever.